The questions that follow are extracted from the book “My Other Half: The Art of Spouse Selection.” It’s important to clarify that these questions are not intended to provide a comprehensive guide. Questions are often accompanied by their own explanation and rationale, and the book itself contains a wealth of additional information. This extract is meant to serve as a starting point, prompting you to consider the important questions to ask when selecting a spouse, but it is by no means an exhaustive list. For the best results, I recommend referring to the book in its original Farsi version.  Complete reference at the conclusion of this page.

Section 1: The Future

  1. In your perspective, what do you believe is the key factor for achieving success in life?
  2. When thinking about your future partner, what qualities do you consider essential?
  3. Could you share your life’s ambitions, goals, and aspirations with me?
  4. What significant expectations do you have for your future husband?
  5. What are your biggest dreams in life?
  6. How do you feel about engagements and weddings?
  7. What are your thoughts about dowry?
  8. What are your thoughts on the idea of living in different cities or countries together?

Section 2: The Spouses Family

  1. From a societal perspective, what are your family’s beliefs and viewpoints concerning issues such as government, the current state of society, and contemporary concerns?
  2. Could you describe your family’s cultural values and thought processes?
  3. To what degree is your family involved in religious gatherings and events?
  4. Would you characterize your family as modern, traditional, or somewhere in between?
  5. How much emphasis does your family place on happiness, proactivity, and vitality? Do you believe that people are inherently inclined toward happiness or sadness? What strategies and approaches do you recommend for fostering happiness in others?
  6. When your family encounters challenging issues, who do they turn to for discussion?
  7. If you were faced with a difficult family matter and sought advice, who would you confide in, and why? How much value do you place on this person’s guidance?
  8. How would you describe your level of attachment to your mother and father?
  9. Within your family, who do you feel the closest to?
  10. How does your family perceive you, and what is their opinion of you?
  11. How do your parents respond when you face setbacks or failures?
  12. Are conflicts a common occurrence in your family? If so, who do you tend to have the most disagreements with, and what are these conflicts typically about?
  13. In your family, who serves as your role model, and what qualities or traits do they embody that you admire?
  14. Among the couples within your family, which one do you consider to be the closest to your ideal family unit?
  15. How much autonomy does your family grant you, particularly in matters related to marriage?
  16. Have you ever experienced situations where your views clashed with those of your family? If so, how did these conflicts unfold, and were they ultimately resolved?

Section 3: Economic Issues

  1. How do you perceive women working outside of the home, and what are your thoughts on this matter?
  2. In your view, what types of occupations do you believe are suitable for women?
  3. When you mention being “content” and “budgeting,” could you provide a candid and explicit explanation of what these terms mean to you?
  4. To what extent would you define your life as satisfying and fulfilling? In other words, what are the minimum requirements for you to feel content?
  5. What factors would you like your potential spouse to take into account when making decisions about household purchases?
  6. Would you be willing to overlook the financial circumstances of a prospective partner and their family? If so, to what degree?
  7. How would you define a “simple lifestyle”? What does a simple family, travel, vehicle, and hospitality to guests entail in your perspective?
  8. How often do you anticipate purchasing new sets of clothing within a year?
  9. Under what circumstances would you consider it necessary to acquire a new set of clothing?

Section 4: Personal Matters

  1. Could you kindly share some details about yourself, such as your age, your educational institution, and your field of study?
  2. Are there any health conditions, whether current or in your medical history, that you believe I should be aware of?
  3. Are there any other personal details or aspects about yourself that you feel are relevant to our conversation?

Section 5: Educational, Political, Economical

  1. Do you have intentions to pursue further education? If so, could you elaborate on your reasons for this decision?
  2. If you do plan to continue your studies, to what level do you aspire, and what motivates you to reach that level?
  3. On average, how many books unrelated to your academic studies do you typically read in a year?
  4. What topics or subjects do you particularly enjoy reading about?
  5. From your reading experiences, can you name a book that stands out as your favourite, and what makes it so special to you?
  6. Do you have a preference for a specific book publisher? If yes, which one, and what draws you to their publications?
  7. Could you mention some authors or public figures whom you hold in high regard and enjoy reading or following?
  8. What qualities or attributes do you find admirable in these individuals?
  9. How would you describe your stance on political matters and political parties?
  10. What are your thoughts on the current government and its performance?
  11. In your view, what is the primary societal challenge or issue that needs addressing?
  12. Do you align with a particular political party, and if so, what factors influence your preference?
  13. Among the movies and TV series you’ve watched, can you share some of your favourites?
  14. Is there a particular movie actor you admire? If so, who is it, and what draws you to their work?
  15. How much significance do you attribute to staying updated with modern fashion trends? How would you feel about maintaining a consistent fashion style if you were with your family for an entire year without changing your wardrobe?

Section 6: Emotional and Spiritual Matters

  1. Could you share the types of personalities that tend to bother or irritate you?
  2. What does the concept of being “social” mean to you?
  3. How would you characterize your own level of socialness?
  4. In what ways do you help others for their self-improvement, and how do you respond to challenges that come your way?
  5. Would you describe yourself as someone who remains composed and unruffled? If so, to what extent?
  6. What specific circumstances or behaviours tend to provoke your anger?
  7. When you do become angry, how do you typically manage or express that emotion?
  8. How do you interpret the idea of living “logically,” and to what degree does this concept guide your life?
  9. To what extent do you consider yourself a logical thinker?
  10. Under what circumstances do you believe lying might be justifiable?
  11. Are there particular issues about which you are notably stringent and sensitive?
  12. How do you respond to criticism when it’s directed at you?
  13. When offering criticism to others, what approach do you typically employ?
  14. Do you provide criticism in the same manner to everyone, or do you adapt your approach based on the individual? Can you provide an example?
  15. Would you describe yourself as generally happy or inclined toward sadness?
  16. What, in your view, constitutes happiness?
  17. Can you identify the things or experiences that bring you the most happiness?
  18. How do you make decisions in your life? Do you tend to make choices independently, or do you seek guidance from others?
  19. To what extent do you believe you can effectively cope with life’s challenges?
  20. Are there specific life problems or difficulties that you find particularly intolerable?

Section 7 Religious issues

  1. To what degree does your faith play a central role in your life?
  2. How committed are you to deepening your understanding of your faith, and how do you gauge your level of religious comprehension?
  3. How significant is it to you that your future spouse shares your faith and values?
  4. Could you elucidate your personal interpretations of modesty (عفاف), shyness (حياء), and jealousy (غيرة)?
  5. How do these concepts resonate in your daily life, and what importance do you assign to them?
  6. What does the term “hijab” signify to you, and how do you define it?
  7. Regarding social conduct and etiquette, what are your views on the appropriate level of interaction between non-mahrams (those who are not closely related)?
  8. If one of your friends were to visit your home, what kind of interaction would you prefer your spouse to have with them?
  9. In comparison to the rest of your family, do you have distinct preferences or behaviours when interacting with non-mahrams?
  10. How integral is participation in religious gatherings to your life?
  11. How would you react if your spouse were willing to forgo their prayers in favour of showing respect for a social gathering or business meeting?

Reference: نیمه دیگرم:مهارت های انتخاب همسر – جلد 1 ص 62-76 – محسن عباس ولدی

“My Other Half: The Art of Spouse Selection” is authored by Muhsin Abbas Waladi and is a four-volume series on correct and successful spouse selection.  This is an extract from a small section of the series.

If you are interested in discussing this further please contact Samer Hakim